Rats: Part I (It’s a trilogy, I am bitten by the Hollywood bug)

The incidents are based on true events although I did take “creative liberty” of Speilbergsque magnitude.

Recommended to be read with Mission Impossible theme as the background music.

There are certain creatures in this world which when seen in your vicinity gives you that eerie feeling of disgust (I am not talking about Lady Gaga here). I am pretty sure that the rodent family have done as good if not better than Lady Gaga in such ignominious list. Trust me, these small pests are not even remotely cute as the animated versions shown in movies (a la Jerry, Mickey or Stuart Little).

At present, I have the privilege to stay at a place where I am confused whether it is the rats which has infested my place or is it the other way round. To paint a visual picture I would suggest you to see the opening sequence of the movie “Delhi Belly”(yahaan par bhi publicity…damn Aamir is real good at this). In my defense, we (my roomie is a victim too) had no choice unlike Imran Khan but to put up in this messed up room. 

My first encounter with the rat was when we heard the strange noises coming from my cupboard. The squeal was a clear indication of it being a rat or Maria Sharapova. But considering my past luck with girls  the second option was highly unlikely. It had to be a rat and there was no way I was going to allow it to nibble on my clothes. I somehow had to get it out but then how am I going to face my worst fear. That’s when I saw a pet bottle of Mountain Dew laying by the side. I grabbed the bottle and took a sip and in true Sallu style blurted out “Darr ke aage jeet hai”. Apparently, it only works in advertisements and I was soon to find out “Darr ke aage chuha hai”. We actually downloaded the Mission Impossible theme song and played it when hunting for the rat but I guess it backfired because the rat thought it was the theme music for its escape sequence. So now it was Mission Impossible: Rat protocol. I opened the cupboard with the help of a  stick in my hand and started pulling down my neatly folded clothes (which had been washed and ironed for a change…what a pity). There was no sight of the menace while I was poking at my clothes. Absolute silence. Time stood still and I had second thoughts of whether the squeal was that of a rat or was I fooled by one of my frequent dreams of Sharapova (this time the place wasn’t the tennis courts). But we had our feet firmly on the ground (or rather the bed) and we knew it could jump out from any of the corners at any instant. Some more poking and then Ola, there it was. 

It leapt out of the cupboard towards me but then Isaac Newton came to the rescue and made it land on the floor (like Trinity in Matrix). I was stumped by those steely eyes staring right at my face. We made eye contact for a fleeting moment and I felt like being telepathically relayed the message “Die another day”. It scared the shit out of me by the thought that it wasn’t all over and he is going to come back for REVENGE.

Next in seriesà Rats: Revenge of the Fallen (Coming soon, July 16^th 2011)